Fatherhood's A Tricky Thing
by lil-miss-chocolate
Summary: Burt gives his son some excellent relationship advice, and then has to live with the consequences! Puck/Kurt


**Disclaimer:** I don't own 'em, and I'm not making money off 'em.

**Author Notes:** Because I really love writing Burt Hummel, basically. And then of course we had to see how it turned out.

**NB: **Established Puck/Kurt relationship.

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><p>"What's up, kiddo?" Burt asked his son, clocking the dejected expression on his face.<p>

"Boy troubles," Kurt sighed, sticking a fabric swatch on his latest outfit design board and gazing at it glumly.

"Is he… you know… pressuring you?" Burt walked over the kitchen table where Kurt was seated, his craft supplies gathered in neat little piles.

Burt prepared himself for a speech, resting his arms on the table and leaning towards his son.

"'Cos I gotta tell ya, Kurt, I kinda got the feeling that Blaine woulda tried something on if you'd been together longer. I don't want you getting that from Puckerman as well."

He gazed at his son worriedly.

Kurt snorted, mirthlessly. "No dad. If anyone's doing there pressuring, it's me."

He looked up into his father's concerned, bewildered face.

Kurt spoke frankly to his father. "I really want to go further but every time I try to, you know, 'bat for a higher base'…" (he wiggled his fingers in air quotation marks) "He changes the subject. I'm… I'm worried that he's not really thought through the whole… you know… 'being with a guy' thing."

Burt sighed. This was a conversation he had hoped never to have.

"Okay, so maybe it's because you _are_his first boyfriend, and he's just as nervous as you were when Blaine started all that sex talk."

"But he's had so many girlfriends… and he's gone all the way so many times. I just… I'm scared that him being bi might just be a phase or something."

Taking a heavy breath, Burt sat down opposite his son, clasping his hands on the table in front of him, trying to ignore the purple feathers tickling his wrists.

"Kurt, when you realised you were gay, did you think it was just a phase?"

Disconcerted, Kurt hesitated before he replied. "No… I… I just knew that that was how I was. How I am."

"Don't you trust him to know how _he_is?"

Kurt's face scrumpled as he thought. "I guess… it was just so… so out of the blue. He's gone from girl to girl to me. And I know I'm kind of girly, so I'm just worried that -"

Burt interrupted his son. "Look, Kurt, I've seen the way that kid lights up when you walk in the room. He'll be sitting here all awkward and silent for half an hour waiting for you to get ready, but the moment you walk down those stairs he's like a different person, like he can't believe how lucky he is. I don't reckon he would look like that if he didn't really care about you."

"But… why does he keep putting me off? With all his girlfriends, he's been trying to get into their panties from the start. Why is it different with me?"

"Kurt, I think you should trust him when he says that… what was it he said? I know it made me want to lock him out of the house."

Kurt giggled slightly as he replied. "He said that as long as all my reproductive bits are in working order, he doesn't care what they actually are."

Trying not to outwardly show his horror at the idea, Burt continued. "Exactly. He's obviously nuts about you. And you're not doing him any favours by trying to guess what he's thinking. You gotta just talk to him. And maybe not start with suggesting him dating you is just a phase."

"But… what if he thinks I'm just dating him to get in his pants?"

"Well, are you?"

"No!" Kurt exclaimed. "I'm dating him because I lo-"

Kurt cut himself off, realising mid-word what he had been about to say.

His father nodded, glad that Kurt had realised what Burt had suspected all along. "So tell him."

"But what if he doesn't feel the same way? What if he's just experimenting with me? What if he dumps me?"

"Then he isn't worth the heartache. I told you, Kurt, you gotta protect your heart. So talk to him. Before you try and go any further, or do anything new, tell him how you feel, and what you want, and what you're scared of. If he's any kind of a boyfriend at all he'll listen, and he'll know that you're talking from your heart." Burt stabbed his finger towards Kurt's chest to reiterate the point.

"And if he dumps you for it, well then he'll be buried in an unmarked grave before the end of the week," Burt finished with a small grin.

Kurt smiled faintly. "Thanks, Dad."

He took a breath. "You really think I should ask him about it?"

"Definitely. There's no point you worrying yourself to death over it. Just ask him, and find out what's really going on."

"Okay. Thank you," he said with a smile, broader this time.

"Sure thing, kiddo. You know I'm always here for you, right?"

Kurt nodded, and went back to his fashion board, morose expression now replaced with one of determination.

Burt rose from his seat and moved through to the sitting room. A thought suddenly occurred to him and he leaned back in through the doorway.

"Kurt… did I just tell my teenage son the best way to get his boyfriend to sleep with him?"

Kurt considered for a moment, then laughed. "I think you did, Dad. I think you did."

Eight hours later, Kurt was driving Noah home from their date. He pulled the car over into an empty car park and turned to face his boyfriend, who was looking slightly puzzled at their sudden stop.

"What's up, babe?"

So Kurt told him. He told him how nervous he was that he might just be an experiment, how scared he was that Noah would leave him for a girl if he started to try anything sexual, how much he wanted to go further but at the same time, didn't want to go there if Noah didn't feel as much for him as Kurt did for Noah. How terrified he was that Noah wouldn't want to go further, even if he did care for Kurt.

And Noah, trying to hold in hearty chuckling, reassured him. "Babe, you're getting way too worried about all this. Look, I'm really into you. Do you think I would set up all the awesome dates for just anyone?"

Kurt tilted his head from side to side. "I guess…"

With a sigh, Puck started to explain. "Kurt, there's kind of two reasons why I've been, you know, putting off us getting it on. 'Cos, I've never been with a guy before. I'm…"

He took a deep breath. Kurt could tell he was gathering the courage to say whatever his next words would be, and remained silent.

"I'm scared I'll be really bad at it. I don't know what I'm doing! With a girl, I know how it all goes. I got all my moves, I can do it all.

"I don't know how it works between two guys. I really, really want to do stuff with you, Kurt. You have no _idea_how much I want to. But I don't know how, or what, or how to start."

Kurt nodded slowly, taking in everything his boyfriend said. "And the other thing?"

"It's guess it's kinda… redundant, after everything you just said, but I was worried… I don't know. I was worried you were just trying to get in my pants. The fact that I'm with you… it means so much to me, you know? This thing we got going on… it's the most serious I've ever been about a guy."

Noah sat back in his seat with a reflective look on his face.

"Hell, babe, it's the most serious I've ever been with anyone, 'cos with you… I don't feel like I have to prove myself to you all the time. Like I can just be me, and you're fine with that. It would've killed me it turned out you'd just been trying to get off."

Kurt opened his mouth to speak, but Noah held up a hand for silence, continuing to explain.

"I know I'm hot, Kurt. Most of the people I hook up just care about that. The housewives, Santana, Quinn… do you think any of them would've gone for me if I'd looked like Jacob Ben Israel? I just… with you… I liked not having to worry about if you'd still be there the morning after, so I just thought if we never went there, I wouldn't have to worry about it."

Kurt grasped both of Noah's hands in his, desperate to get that melancholy, vulnerable look off his boyfriend's face.

"You never have to worry about me not being there, alright? I love you, Noah. I love you so damn much and I want to be as close to you as possible. That's why I was trying to go further that just kissing. Because I wanted to be intimate with my boyfriend, who I love.

"And I don't care if you're not experienced. I want you just as you are. Just you."

Kurt was bordering between tears and hysterics as he continued. "I was so scared that you were freaked out that I was a boy… I never thought that-"

Noah cut him off with a swift kiss. "I love you, babe. _All_of you." His hands fumbled their way to Kurt's collar, pulling him closer.

Kurt's hands flew to his boyfriend's waist as they kissed, his fingers slipping under the fabric of his black button-down.

He pulled back from the kiss as his fingers touched the warm skin beneath, looking deep into his boyfriend's eyes.

"Truly, Noah? You really want me?"

Noah's frank honesty was obvious as he replied, "Like you wouldn't believe."

The next morning Burt Hummel walked downstairs to a note on the kitchen table.

"Thanks Dad. Best advice _ever_."

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><p><strong>As always, from concrit to squees of love, as well as anything in between: it is all very much appreciated!<strong>


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